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Do you find yourself attracted to people who are helpless, vulnerable, or damaged, or feel like you always end up taking care of your romantic partners? If you fall into this relationship pattern, you're likely a white knight-a person who tends to seek out partners who need rescuing. White knights hope to receive admiration, validation, or love from their partners, but ultimately end up cheating themselves out of emotionally healthy relationships.
Ready to come to your own rescue? The White Knight Syndrome will help you:
- Discover why you attract or seek out needy or damaged partners
- Find out what type of white knight you are
- Recognize the unhealthy ways you try to meet your partner's needs while ignoring your own
- Channel your energies into building balanced, healthy relationships
- Sales Rank: #1069516 in Books
- Published on: 2009-06-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .47" h x 6.00" w x 9.02" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Review
Lamia and Krieger have hit the nail on the head by identifying a major problem in contemporary relationships-the compulsive need to rescue. Their book, The White Knight Syndrome, clearly articulates the dynamics of this all-too-common pattern. This book is an outstanding resource and a must-read for every compulsive rescuer, as well as for mental health students and professionals.
-Ronald F. Levant, Ed.D., past president of the American Psychological Association and professor of psychology at Buchtel College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Akron in Akron, OH
From the Publisher
Do you find yourself attracted to people who are helpless, vulnerable, or damaged, or feel like you always end up taking care of your romantic partners? If you fall into this relationship pattern, you're likely a "white knight"-a person who tends to seek out partners who need rescuing. White knights hope to receive admiration, validation, or love from their partners, but ultimately end up cheating themselves out of emotionally healthy relationships.
Ready to come to your own rescue? The White Knight Syndrome will help you:
- Discover why you attract or seek out needy or damaged partners
- Find out what type of white knight you are
- Recognize the unhealthy ways you try to meet your partner's needs while ignoring your own
- Channel your energies into building balanced, healthy relationships
-Ronald F. Levant, Ed.D., past president of the American Psychological Association and professor of psychology at Buchtel College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Akron in Akron, OH
"This book is aimed at anyone who recognizes that the white knight syndrome may explain feelings of betrayal, anger, or guilt. Because the book does such a good job with explaining the complex emotional lives of rescuers, it can be a great resource for therapists as well as clients."
-Michael J. Garanzini, S.J., Ph.D., president of Loyola University in Chicago, IL, and author of Child-Centered Schools and The Attachment Cycle
"The authors of The White Knight Syndrome are experienced and insightful clinicians. Building on their extensive professional work as psychotherapists, they have delivered a compelling, concise, and highly useful delineation of a repetitive but maladaptive pattern of needing to compulsively rescue others. Moreover, they show how to move forward in life to an adaptive pattern they call a balanced rescuer: a person who cares, preserves intimacy, and also develops even more self-esteem. I enthusiastically recommend this outstanding book."
-Mardi Horowitz, MD, president of the San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis, professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, and author of A Course in Happiness
"The White Knight Syndrome is unique among psychology books because it is so well-written. The case descriptions are engaging, and the 'Thinking About It' sections brilliantly incorporate the reader's experience into the dialogue so that the material presented becomes personally relevant. The White Knight Syndrome is a great piece of work."
-Sylvia Boorstein, Ph.D., psychotherapist and founding teacher and Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, CA, author of It's Easier Than You Think and Happiness Is an Inside Job
About the Author
Mary C. Lamia, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in private practice in Marin County, CA. She is also a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
Marilyn J. Krieger, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Marin County, CA.
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Finally, a serious and useful book that addresses a very real behavioral problem
By Bill McCown
Many women-and also men-are all but addicted to rescuing or saving others. Among my clients rescuing can take many forms, from "saving" people they date to the more subtle forms of inappropriate mentoring or favoring certain students in the classroom. The irony of rescuing is it seems to be good for everyone. But it rarely works the way it does in childhood dreams. Many of these rescuers eventually damage and even ruin their own lives and those of others while attempting their saving deeds. Results are often extraordinary stressful, sometimes tragic, with occasionally dramatic, even violent conclusions.
Counselors and clinicians have known this for years. However, too often they have lacked the language and techniques to do much about this widespread problem. The White Knight Syndrome is the first realistic account that suggests concrete solutions for the too common problems or rescuers and their intended targets.
A strength of this book is that it recognizes that there are diverse motives that give rise to rescuing behaviors. Most are rooted in early childhood experiences and involves a coping style characterized by excessive altruism as at "deserving" people. These rescuers are not just "People who love too much" but "People who love the wrong people too much". Typically these rescuing feelings arise in response to childhood traumas, bullying, feelings of inadequacy, abandonment, or insecurities. Yet rescuing rarely work successfully and has a host of difficulties when applied to complex adult situations.
The authors suggest that as an alternative the rescuer needs to learn new strategies to move forward in life. They can learn to love positive aspects of themselves. rejecting the negative and irrational ones. They can recognize their patterns and then open up to the facts that they might be projecting personality aspects onto current relationships. Finally, although rescuers may always have some of these "saving" tendencies, they can learn to be more balanced and ultimately happier and less destructive with love and life.
Does this approach work? Well, as a therapist I have recommended this book over 14 times and received 14 positive feedbacks. To me that says something. The statistician/researcher side of me could find lots of problems with the previous sentence but it is enough for me to keep recommending The White Knight Syndrome. I've also recommended it to acquaintances who uniformly have said, "You know that book really helped me a lot!" To me that shows that Lamia and Krieger are onto something useful, powerful, and effective.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
i needed this book at a crossroad in my life
By Franklin
This review is being written with Siri. Apologies for any typos. I literally could not put this book down. A friend of mine recommended that I read it because he thought it would help me. This book has helped me realize why I have made some of the choices that I have made in past relationships, subconsciously. Even if you don't suspect that you are a white night, this would be a good treat. I found this book after a girl that I dated for about four months Broke it off with me because our relationship was too much work. She demonstrated a willingness to break up with me. I could not understand how she could break up with someone who had so many amazing qualities, the qualities that I possess. I realized after reading this book that I presented a magnified version of myself to her. When she started to discover the actual me, or the Real me, she decided to split. The truth is the girl that I was dating really wasn't someone that I wanted to be with. But I could not bear hurting her. So I sacrificed my own health to create what I thought was happiness for her. After analyzing my relationship with my recent breakup, I started to think about why my past relationships have failed. And about a quarter through this book I realize that I typically date women who are younger than me. Subconsciously I made this choice to compensate For the shame that I have developed as a child. My father was never around. I was a late bloomer. I got cut from the basketball team as a child. And it goes on and on. These are the kinds of things you think about when you read this book. It's great for self animalization and great for personal growth.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A solid self-help tool
By Elle
This book was very helpful!! It helped me understand not only why I attempt to save others, but it also defined my particular type of "white knight". What the author calls a white knight is also known as codependency. I didn't know that there were different types of "white knights" or co-dependants, and that alone was worth the price. In addition, having a clearer understanding of my own motivations has been helping me to focus more on myself and less on others, which for empathetic types, is a great accomplishment. I gave the book 4 stars instead of five, because I wanted to read more about my "type" of white knight, and the readings on the other types were not as helpful and took up a great deal of the book. The author might want to consider developing books for each of the typified knights.
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